Life is Good

wizardpostsdotorg:

i love wizards bc they fucking lie all the time. gandalf was like “a wizard is never late he arrives precisely when he means to” lying ass. he was late as fuck. wizards will just say whatever. it doesn’t even matter when you have a big ass hat

muppethole:

“get home safe” is a spell and i am casting it on all my friends

funnytwittertweets:

leokelly:

Best thing you can do sometimes is to go like “thats weird”

(via manywinged)

mokeymokey:

Mouse pilot on the rodent airline: this is your captain squeaking

(via joshpeck)

studyinginlibraries-deactivated:

rb to give the person you reblogged this from a glass of water

(via theinvisiblespoon)

funnytwittertweets:

(via greeneyed69)

lmaonade:

does anyone else pee or is just me?

Not in this economy

ijaazat:

themaelstrum:
ijaazat:
when are they gonna make cigarettes for men
They’re called cigars. Heard of ‘em?
oh so you like big things in your mouth

(via lmaonade)

beadyeyes:

i need that penis on my desk by tomorrow

(via lmaonade)

ptsilenthill:

nutwit:
ptsilenthill:
doppopoet-deactivated20220517:
I’m not fucking around anymore I want this so badly I need this my skin burns and when I close my eyes I see sid and manny and I see myself in sid
That’s not Manny that’s Diego do you have any respect for the ice age franchise? Suffer in your sad little lovedrunk deathbed
what if I killed myself

(via lmaonade)

eggcup:

itwashotwestayedinthewater:
eggcup:
itwashotwestayedinthewater:
eggcup:
hey i have hiccups can someone scare me
HOO!
thanks it worked
……you can go now

(via lmaonade)

unclefather:

I think people who say “bollocks” and “arse” should have to do 600 hours of community service

Sounds like a load of boll*cks to me

starkeaton:

grox:
grox:
Mr white can you give me a penny so I can use the penny presser
Jesse you’ll need a quarter too. It’s not free jesse
i feel like the internet is giving me a very warped idea of what breaking bad is like

(via elmofongo)

help-small-businesses:

(via too-cool-for-facebook)